Last week I read an amazing article in the New York Times, by Ellen Barry, about a small village in India where a few women decided to rebel and went to work. The men, in particular, did not like the concept. The women were changing the dynamics. They were getting stronger. They were dismantling poverty. For the women, it was a very good thing for their well being, their self esteem, and their families.

Many of the town's people wanted it to stop. Eventually, the town leader stepped in. For their defiance, he instructed the town to ostracize the women and forbade anyone to speak to them and excluded them from the community water fountain. This type of ostracizing has a name and it is "Hookah-pani bandh."

I sat in the sunlight of my safe kitchen reading the article in disbelief that this could be 2016. How could something that would uplift the women be banned? Pure sexism is the answer. Then, as I often do, I tried to think locally about how to help. Then, it hit me! Hookah-pani bandh is not just happening in the small villages of India. Women today, right here in America, experience ostracizing.

As a matter of fact, it has even happened in my own home. I call it the silent treatment. The silent treatment is a super effective, albeit, passive aggressive way to gain cooperation of others. I found that I could identify with the women more than I thought I could at first. I have had relationships where my mate would use the silent treatment when he was unhappy with how I had conducted myself. It could last for a couple of hours or days. It is a relatively accepted behavior because I saw at least one of my parents do it to the other. I have friends who do it on a small scale to their children when time out fails. Is this a bad thing? Should I even have to ask? Yet, I know there have been people in my life that I have "fallen out with" and before forgiveness, came the silence. We are not so far as to judge the village after all.

I wanted the women in the village not to care about being ostracized. I wanted them to know that someone in the world cares about them. Then, I realized that many of us, right here in our safe kitchens, fear the very same thing. We stay in relationships so that we don't get ostracized from our friends, family, church or community. In some relationships we try to avoid the "upset" that causes the silent treatment and we try to get back in good so that our lives can be peaceful. We also conform to behaviors as expected to avoid being singled out.The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. It is damaging.

One of the only ways that I can think to fight against it is to never ostracize another person. I will also look more closely at any relationship where the silent treatment is one of the rules of engagement.